Hand Signals
It’s common knowledge that the handshake and/or originated
from early man extending his hand to a stranger to show that he was unarmed and
came in peace. The handshake and wave are still the main gestures of greeting
among men and women because the hand is one of our most useful and valued
“tools” and it’s a vulnerable part of our anatomy.
The hand has many small bones in it that can be
crushed with a modicum of pressure. Therefore, when you extend it in greeting,
you’re showing trust to the other person. However, this is only one instinctive
gesture we humans make toward each other. Men and women usually touch in
progressive steps and we instinctively know
what they mean even if we aren’t conscious of them. Here are the main
progressive “touching” steps:
1. Hand to hand contact.
If you like someone, you’ll let him hold your hand. This can also include
inadvertent touching of hands – as in when a man hands you a glass of wine and
your fingers slide over each other. Intentional? You bet!
2. Hand to arm/shoulder contact. Touching
someone’s arm or squeezing someone’s shoulder is a more friendly gesture. Women
do this with great skill – briefly touching a man’s arm to make a point in
conversation, resting a hand on a man’s shoulder as you share a laugh. It’s a
signal to the man that you’re interested in him and want more contact with him.
This gesture can also morph into hand to the small of a woman’s back. It’s a
“let me help you” friendly gesture, but it also denotes possession (“she’s with
me”).
3. Hand to hair/head contact.
This is an intimate gesture. You have to feel trust for someone to allow him to
place his hands on your head or hair. Other than your family, close friends,
and hair stylist, who would you feel comfortable with stroking your hair or
caressing your cheek? Right. No one. That’s because their hands are getting
close to vulnerable parts of you – your eyes and your nose. Instinct tells you
to protect your head, so when you allow someone to stroke your hair or place
his hand on your cheek, you are telling him that you trust him.
4. Hand to neck/throat.
Again, a vulnerable part of your body, so no one touches you there unless you
trust that person and/or want intimacy with that person.
5. Arm to shoulders/waist.
When a man puts his arms around your shoulders, he’s signaling that he would
like to get closer. Now, if this is a man putting his arm around another man’s
shoulders (and they are both heterosexual), then it’s a friendship gesture.
Hetero men don’t put their arms around each other’s waist – but they will put
their arms around a woman’s waist as a signal of possession. This is a very
intimate gesture because the man’s hand is moving progressively lower on a
woman’s body – from the head, to the shoulder or arm, and his hand in between
the breasts and the genitals. (That’s why men don’t feel comfortable placing
their arms around each’s other waist! Too close to the package!)
6. Handsy!
– The next step is hands on the prizes – breasts and genitals. Hopefully, this
step is done in private. The other steps can be done in public.
So, when a man (or woman) skips one of these steps,
it throws the other person off-balance. That’s why we love those Alpha Males
and Dominants. They skip steps. The woman expects the man to take her hand or
place his hand on the small of her back . . . but he grabs her, pulls her
intimately against him, his lips glide down the side of her face, and he gives
her earlobe a little bite. Whoa! He skipped steps, the devil! He knows it. She
knows it. And now it’s a matter of, what are they going to do about it?
If you want to see a good example of the
step-by-step action, take a gander at the main love scene in “The Last of the
Mohicans.” It’s sheer perfection.
Examples of “skipping steps” can be found in
virtually any romance novel worth its price!
